Don’t Believe Everything You Think: Spotting and Reframing Cognitive Distortions
At some point, we’ve all been there.
You fire off an email and immediately spiral into, “Did I sound stupid?” You walk out of a meeting thinking, “I always screw this up.” You scan social media and conclude, “Everyone else is thriving. I’m failing.”
The truth is: your brain isn’t always telling you the truth.
In fact, many of our thoughts — especially the stressful, anxious ones — are distorted. They feel real, but they’re not reality. These habitual mental traps are called cognitive distortions, and they quietly hijack our well-being, sabotage our relationships, and limit our performance.
Let’s talk about how to spot them — and what to do instead.
What Are Cognitive Distortions?
Cognitive distortions are biased, irrational patterns of thinking that skew our perception of reality. They’re automatic, deeply ingrained, and often go unnoticed — yet they can shape everything from our self-esteem to our decision-making and relationships.
They’re the inner critics. The doom forecasters. The perfectionist voices whispering, “You’re not enough.”
And they are very common among high achievers. In fact, the more driven you are, the more likely you are to encounter distorted thinking when something doesn’t go according to plan.
Top 7 Cognitive Distortions (with Practical Reframes)
1. All-or-Nothing Thinking
“If I don’t do this perfectly, it’s a failure.”
“I missed one day of my routine — I might as well quit.”
“If I can’t run the full 10K today, I’m not a real athlete.”
🌀 Reframe: Progress, not perfection.
Tactical Tools:
Language shift: Reframe with phrases like “good enough,” “step forward,” or “I showed up.” These normalize imperfection and encourage consistency.
Micro-wins: Track the small wins daily. What did I do today that supports my bigger goal?
Graded exposure: Intentionally do something not perfect (e.g., send a draft email) and notice that the world doesn’t end.
Coaching Prompt:
“If I were coaching someone else in this exact situation, would I still call it a failure?”
2. Catastrophizing
“This is going to ruin everything.”
“If I bomb this presentation, my career is over.”
“One bad investment and I’ll lose everything I’ve built.”
🌀 Reframe: Ground in facts, not fear.
Tactical Tools:
Worst / Best / Most Likely: Write out 3 columns: worst case, best case, and most realistic outcome.
Stress scale: Rank the situation from 1–10. Ask: “How bad is this really in the grand scheme?”
Time travel: Ask, “Will this still matter in a week? A month? A year?”
Coaching Prompt:
“What have I survived before that felt equally uncertain?”
3. Mind Reading
“They think I’m not good enough.”
“She didn’t respond to my message. She’s definitely mad at me.”
“They didn’t smile during my talk — they must’ve hated it.”
🌀 Reframe: I don’t know what they’re thinking — and I don’t have to assume the worst.
Tactical Tools:
Evidence filter: Write down facts vs. assumptions. What do I know? What am I guessing?
Ask, don’t assume: When in doubt, lean into vulnerability: “Hey, I noticed X — is everything okay between us?”
Self-anchoring: When feedback is lacking, ask yourself, “What do I know I did well?”
Coaching Prompt:
“If I weren’t afraid of rejection, how would I interpret this silence?”
4. Should Statements
“I should be more productive.”
“I should be over this by now.”
“I should always put others first.”
🌀 Reframe: Replace ‘shoulds’ with aligned values and chosen priorities.
Tactical Tools:
Values check-in: Does this “should” reflect my authentic values or someone else’s expectations?
Permission slips: Write one out: “I give myself permission to rest / be where I am / take the scenic route.”
Choice language: Swap “should” with “I choose to,” “I get to,” or “It’s important to me that…”
Coaching Prompt:
“What would this look like if I moved from pressure to purpose?”
5. Personalization
“This happened because I messed up.”
“If I had been more supportive, maybe their relationship wouldn’t have ended.”
“It’s my fault the meeting went off-track — I didn’t manage the group well enough.”
🌀 Reframe: I can own my part — and release what isn’t mine.
Tactical Tools:
Responsibility pie chart: Literally draw a circle and estimate % of responsibility — yours, others’, external factors.
Role reversal: If a friend were in your shoes, would you blame them the same way?
Self-compassion pause: “I made a mistake. That doesn’t mean I am a mistake.”
Coaching Prompt:
“What would accountability without self-blame look like here?”
6. Labeling
“I’m a failure.”
“I’m such a bad parent.”
“I’m not cut out for leadership.”
🌀 Reframe: One moment or behavior doesn’t define my identity.
Tactical Tools:
Behavior vs. identity language: Instead of “I’m disorganized,” say “I forgot something today.”
Growth stories: List past situations where you moved from struggle to success. Prove the label wrong with history.
Name your inner critic: Externalize that shaming voice as a character (e.g., “Perfectionist Paul”) and talk back to it.
Coaching Prompt:
“If this isn’t who I am, what do I want to become — and what’s one step in that direction?”
7. Overgeneralization
“This always happens to me.”
“Every time I try to slow down, something comes up.”
“I never get chosen for opportunities like this.”
🌀 Reframe: One instance doesn’t define a pattern — unless I let it.
Tactical Tools:
Seek exceptions: Look for at least one time the opposite was true. “When have I done this well?”
Language shift: Replace “always” or “never” with “sometimes” or “this time.”
Timeline tracking: Keep a journal of attempts, progress, and breakthroughs. Remind your future self of your data.
Coaching Prompt:
“If I told this story to a mentor, how would they reframe the pattern I think I’m stuck in?”
What Your Brain Is Doing (And Why It’s Not Your Fault)
Our brains are prediction machines. They evolved to scan for danger, detect patterns, and respond quickly — especially under stress.
In moments of pressure or uncertainty, the amygdala (the fear center) takes over, hijacking the more rational prefrontal cortex. This is great for survival — not so great for perspective.
Add in modern stressors, perfectionism, and the “always on” culture, and it’s no wonder we fall into these mental traps.
The good news? Your brain is plastic. With awareness and intention, you can rewire these patterns.
A Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) Perspective
Interestingly, different elemental imbalances in Traditional Chinese Medicine can correlate with certain distortions:
🌳 Wood: prone to all-or-nothing thinking, impatience, and rigidity when out of balance
🔥 Fire: vulnerable to catastrophizing and emotional reactivity
🌍 Earth: often internalizes others’ issues — personalization and people-pleasing
🪙 Metal: can get stuck in “should” thinking and harsh judgment
🌊 Water: may be paralyzed by fear-based distortions and avoidance
Understanding your elemental nature can be a powerful tool for compassionate insight and personalized growth.
(Curious what your dominant element is? Take the quiz at drpowu.com/quiz)
How to Reframe Your Thinking (Without Toxic Positivity)
This isn’t about pretending everything’s fine. It’s about telling yourself the whole truth — not just the scariest version.
Here are three tools I use with clients (and myself):
🔁 1. Catch It → Challenge It → Change It
Catch the distorted thought
Challenge it with logic and compassion
Change it to a more balanced or empowering truth
✍️ 2. Journal Prompt
“What’s one distorted thought I had today? How can I reframe it in a way that’s both honest and helpful?”
🧘♂️ 3. Label Your Thoughts
Use mindfulness-based labeling:
“Ah, that’s catastrophizing.”
“There’s my mind-reading again.”
By simply naming the distortion, you create distance — and regain choice.
Closing Reflection
High achievers are especially prone to distorted thinking because they care deeply, take on responsibility, and set high standards. That’s not a flaw — it’s a strength.
But learning to slow down and ask, “Is this thought helpful, kind, or true?” is a superpower.
You are not your thoughts.
You are the observer. The rewriter. The alchemist.
✨ Your Turn
Try this:
Catch just one distortion today.
Write it down.
Gently reframe it.
This small act can change the course of your day — and over time, your life.
Until then, be kind to your thoughts — and even kinder to yourself.